apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
