i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
