watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize