i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
