Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
