woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
