I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
