remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
