So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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