just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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