if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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