yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
