FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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