Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
