I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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