I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
