guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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