He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
