why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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