new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
