Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
