he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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