Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
