sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
