I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
