I heard we made out
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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