Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
