I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
