I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
