I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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