So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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