mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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