ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
