You really coming over, don't trick.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
