just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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