Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
