Acid is not a monday night drug
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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