dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize