Buhtt sex?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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