Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize