I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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