Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
