Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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