I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
