At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
