Me too!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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