i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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