turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Are my feet made of real feet?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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