He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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