The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
