At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
