My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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