Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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