Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize