morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
