Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
