I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
