You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
