I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
