so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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