Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
