I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
