He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
