New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
