I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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