i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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