my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
