Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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