He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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