I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
