o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
zippers are such a cool invention
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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