At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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