Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it's like iHOP with fire
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
