I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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