Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
