awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
