i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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