i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
