Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
