When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
