I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
