you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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