he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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