the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
