He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My bed smells like the plague
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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