Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
