i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize