Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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