Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
