Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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