Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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