He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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