why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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