Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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