Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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