Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
