Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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