no, he came in my armpit
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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