You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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